Successfully enter both your quips in a round
Win both battles in a round
Win all battles in Rounds 1 and 2
Play an 8-player game
Enter the same thing as your opponent
Get a Quiplash! (sweep votes in a 5+-player game)
Get 70% or more of the votes in The Last Lash
Play a game with an Audience
Write a quip that Schmitty actually responds to
Write "meatloaf candy" and win a battle with it
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