You've farted on animals 25 times.
You sold 300 junk items.
You've spent $500.
You have collected half of the available costume sets.
Everyone in South Park is your friend.
You collected all of the Chinpokomon.
You befriended both crab people and gnomes.
You completed the game and never ended a battle with your buddy knocked out.
You defeated Princess Kenny in your girl makeover disguise.
You defeated Princess Kenny while looking like David Hasselhoff.
While inside Mr. Slave, you summoned Mr. Slave.
You've farted on every buddy in the game.
You defeated 20 enemies using Cartman's Ass.
You farted on four major authority figures.
You farted on the corpse of an aborted Nazi Zombie fetus.
You interrupted 5 channel attacks by using a fart.
You watched your parents have sex for 60 seconds.
You defeated the Grand Wizard Cartman in battle.
You knocked out 3 or more enemies with a single fart outside of battle.
You found Jesus while playing as a Jew.
You defeated the Meth Tweekers while wearing the Evil Cartman goatee and bald cap.
You flung a turd of your own creation at an enemy.
You collected 15 Chinpokomon.
You opened all of the garages in South Park.
You made friends with half of South Park.
You've farted on people 100 times.
You befriended your father.
You defeated Princess Kenny and recovered the Stick of Truth.
You completed the game without selling any items.
You defeated Princess Kenny while living with Dire AIDS.
You defeated the High Jew Elf Kyle in battle.
You farted on 10 enemies in the world that were knocked out.
Over the course of the game, you've scored 100 perfect attacks.
You befriended the Goths, like everyone else playing this game.
You successfully blocked every enemy attack in a single (non-tutorial) battle.
You defeated 3 enemies in one battle while your buddy was knocked out.
You completed your first day in South Park.
You collected 5 Chinpokomon.
Over the course of the game, you've blocked 100 attacks.
You have joined the KKK.
You shat your pants during a boss battle.
You've unlocked all of the upgrades for a New Kid ability.
You defeated the Boss Hall Monitor while wearing freckles.
You accepted your fate and chose the name Douchebag yourself.
Collected all South Park™: The Stick of Truth™ trophies.
You've farted on a dog while in gnome form.
In three separate battles, you've taken a shit in your pants.
You've collected all of the available costumes.
You've let Kenny die in combat 10 times over the course of the game.
You own all the weapons and costumes available in the game.
Gingers have bitten you 3 times without you blocking.